Teaching me to be

I have been blessed by illness this last month. Blessed is a strange word to use because it's been fairly horrid. I've been plagued by a sinus headache thing, which has led on to other cold-like symptoms. It's been quite miserable frankly as most of the month seems to have been me preserving energy for work or duties and little else. I have been taking painkillers almost every day and suffering with a constant aching pressure around and behind my eyes. It's been lonely and depressing as it's not only stopped me from spending time with people, at times it has affected my capacity to think and relate to others. I've also felt really bad trying to explain how I've been feeling, often I've wanted to ask for help and then I've felt like I'm whining or self-obsessed. I have felt this because I have been aware of so many around me who have also been suffering recently. In short it's given me a taste of what it must be like to be permanently unwell. I feel this has been valuable because it has really expanded my compassion for those who face long-term illness. Actually my own illness hasn't been that bad in the perspective of a person in this situation. I'm grateful for God expanding my understanding for the people around me who might be facing ongoing problems with their health. 

In particular though God has blessed me with a crucial message that is the need to step back from all the things I'm striving to achieve for Him and to simply learn to be. To be Laura. Not to do all the things that I think make me Laura. To know that I can bear his likeness simply by existing. To know that I am loved as I am, not for what I do. To know that I can trust Him with my life. Essentially I guess he has been teaching me Psalm 46 v 10: 'Be still and know that I am God' which can also be translated as 'Cease striving and know that I am God'. It's an encouragement on the surface to make time to be quiet and still in our lives, but more than that it's about trusting in God and his goodness. Trusting that he wants the best for me or as that line in the hymn 'Amazing Grace' says: 'The Lord has promised good to me'.

Trust is the key thing. Trust is ultimately dependant though on the belief that who we are trusting is indeed trustworthy and loving. Well what better day than this to reflect on that. The day that remembers how our God faced the worst imaginable situation ever for us. It's hard to truly appreciate and I don't think we ever will understand it but the truth is he died for us because he loves us. The amazing thing is we don't need to understand it, we don't even need to feel the sorrow that would make our hearts ache if we were really to comprehend what he went through. We only need to receive his love and sacrifice for us. 

In Isaiah 30 v 15 God says:

In repentance and rest is your salvation,

In quietness and trust is your strength.

Hope you are having a good Good Friday.    

 

    

A Poem for the year

2013

Golden light streaming through

Love came down here, for you

Lift your face towards this bliss

Feel the warmth of his kiss!

A poem I wrote at the start of the year. One day I'd been in my bedroom and the sun had started streaming through and was particularly beautiful and golden, especially nice for winter! I believe God wants us to receive his love simply as you would the warm sunshine, that is by just turning your face and feeling its warmth. In other words, putting the focus on him and his goodness rather than trusting in our own goodness. This is what real Christian faith is about, simply receiving what God has already achieved for us in dying for us. 

Numbers 6 v 25: '...the Lord make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you.'  

Welcome to my blog

Hello there.

Welcome to my project for 2013. It is to write, whenever I can, about the things that I feel God lays on my heart concerning his love, what it means to know Him and particularly what it means to be beautiful in his sight. It is primarily aimed at women but I kinda would like guys to have a look occasionally too because I hope a lot of the stuff I post will be relevant both to men and women. It's just that I feel God has placed a particular calling on my heart to minister to other women. I especially want to help them embrace the beauty God has given them. The title 'Unfading beauty' comes from this verse in the Bible:

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 1 Peter 3 v 3-4

Now don't get Peter, who wrote this, wrong. I don't think he is saying there is anything wrong with curling your hair or wearing a bit of bling or you know generally making yourself presentable. Rather he is saying that true beauty is what comes from within and shines out to make you lovely on the outside too. Or as the wonderful Roald Dahl put it:

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely. 

Importantly, Peter says it is who you are in God's sight that matters. This world is often mercilessly cruel in its standards of unachievable perfection but God says that you, as you are, are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' (Psalm 139 v 14). At the end of Shrek, when Fiona hurt and confused because she is still an ogre even after her spell has finally been broken, questions: 'But I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful'. Shrek's reply to her is I believe the same as God's reply to you: 'But you are beautiful!'

So enjoy!

Kindness - a truly wonderful thing

I want to write a small something about the amazing gift that is kindness. I think it is something we often take for granted. It is however something that enriches our lives on a daily basis. Perhaps we need to stop more and take note of the moments of kindness we encounter in our day. It could be a warm smile. Someone waving you on to bus in front of them even though they were there first (this is a big thing for non-bus uses!). An encouraging word just when you needed it. I was particularly grateful for a very simple act the other day of a new teacher at my school who was observing a lesson, bothering to come over to speak to the "humble" teaching assistant, just to be friendly. So small yet significant. I think this is where the wonderful aspect of kindness lies in fact. In its smallness. Smallness does not mean a lack of greatness. Mother Theresa said "we can do no great things, only small things with great love". Isn't this the type of greatness that matters? The things that show we love and care for the people around us. The things that show we can care enough to make those small sacrifices of time or pride or possibly even risk of rejection. It's in the little things we do for other people that we show we value them. We are saying they are worth it. And as the well known saying goes "it's the little things in life" that bring us the most pleasure. Amazingly God didn't just make mountains and oceans and even bigger than that, stars and planets. He made ladybirds and daisies and pearls. Wonderful details. Ok its true I do have an ever so slightly hippie take on life but I think this is an important message. Particularly as one of my aims in life is to help other women to know that they are beautiful. And one way I think we can know that is by valuing kindness and seeking to be kind people. Because as it says in Proverbs: 'A kindhearted woman gains respect'.

I wrote this before I went to see 'the Hobbit' so was amazed and warmed by the echo in Gandalf's words:

"Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found... I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay - small acts of kindness and love."

God's love and 'Tangled'

I would like to share a few insights into the film 'Tangled' that echo something of God's loving kindness towards us. When I first saw the film, there was one scene especially that moved me to think of God. And then after I'd seen it again, I saw how other aspects of it show something of what it means to know God. To know Him well that is! I've been a Christian for a long time now but only in the last year or so have I really begun to appreciate that God loves me, that he really loves me. It's the basic and most simple understanding of the gospel. The good news is God loves us and wants to have a relationship with us. And yet, often it can be the hardest fact to grasp.

Who is God? How do you see him? Do you imagine him as a father who wants to know us and is broken-hearted by his lack of relationship with us? When I saw the scene in 'Tangled' where the King and Queen are about to let off the lanterns in memory of their lost daughter, I got a glimpse of this idea. The Queen turns to the King to see his face is drooping, his eyes tearful even 17 years on since he lost his daughter. To me, that is the face of the father in the story of the prodigal son. Instead of a God who is fuming with anger exchange it with a father who is broken by grief. Which is not to bystep God's anger or his wrath but merely to point out that anger is only the result of love, God's wrath a product of his great love for the creation he has made. First comes the love. Our God is heart-broken over us. He weeps for us. He longs for relationship with us.

When I watched the lights scene, I was especially moved by how much the daughter was worth to the parents. That they would make such an extravagant and costly display in her memory. A beautiful scene if you haven't seen it! They light several hundreds maybe even thousands of lanterns so that the sky is filled with them. Yes costly, but totally worth the sacrifice in their eyes to remember their beloved child. Isn't that how God felt when he gave up his son? Costly but a sacrifice worth making. But hang on a second - these were lanterns, whereas Jesus was his beloved one and only son who he had shared an unimaginably beautiful and deep communion with for all eternity. How much must we be worth to God therefore? It's a simple reminder, but if you are ever to doubt God's love for you, look to the cross. If you ever want to point a finger at a God who doesn't care, look to the cross. If you wonder why God allows suffering and you feel it must be because he's callous and cold ('The gods may throw a dice, their minds as cold as ice' in the words of Abba), look to the cross. The point is that God put himself through Hell because of his love for us. That is how much you are worth to him.

The thing that was wonderful about the scene finally though was how beautiful it was, both the sky filled with light and Rapunzel's dreams fulfilled. A beautiful Disney moment. And perhaps you could leave it there and see that as being kind of cheesy. But actually life is about light and life and love and beauty. It was designed to be wonderful and this is what Jesus came to give back to us. Jesus described it as 'life in all its fullness'. What is this life though? It is the freedom to do what's right. It is the ability to feel deeper, richer desires. It is the hope of a happy future despite whatever life might throw at us. It is a father who loves us. And it is relationship with a friend who will never leave or forsake us. Who is closer than you think.